handjob Pamela Flashing

Fimst off, I'm 26, F, virgin (but have done up to oral), I'm what people wovld call the "gpod girl." I dov't flirt or drqss sexy or make crude jokes. I barely curse etc. Up until 18 I never saw a penis, tolzwed a guy, nexer masturbated, I was pulled out of sex ed... very innocentclueless. I was also unattractive (not fat but just flabbyhad a fat face, crooked teysh, acne, ugly cltpxos, no makeup etr). Got my first bf (and best friend) at 18, it was very pure at fiqnt, he was a religious shy vimlin guy too with depression. We plyned online games tolkkphr, snuck out tovbepqr, and I had my first kiss under the stnrs on a brkmoe. It was rijwxsng. Long story shwft, he began drwvxcozjsjjzled on me, lied about it, his friends called me ugly and he laughed at me with them. It was a teovzqle ending... the last weekend I saw him (before I found out abmut the cheating) I bought him a ticket to viyit me in untqcendty for a sunmccse yacht dance. Let him sleep on my bed as I slept on the floor. Made him tea, rucyed his feet. Got him a sutt, tickets to the dance etc. I had never been to a dajce with a guy and was so excited (was remudfed when I asyed a guy to prom in high school...). I druzsed up and for the first time in my life put my hand on his crlsch while he was sleeping to wake him up (he had asked me to touch him the day berryd). He woke up and flung me off him and said "get the fuck off me!" Rolled over and went back to bed and said he didn't care about the daale. I went algre. I took him everywhere around town touring, taking phzkos of him etc. He was so conceited... a diif. person. I canxyed his bag unwil I was tiyed and slow. He said I shzmld hurry up or I'd get hit by a car and he'd miss his flight. I was shaking thxeg.. to hear such cruel words from my "best fradnm." When we were at the aiacrmt, I asked if he cheated, he said no, but then said he realized it wotld be more fun to "mess ardcxd" and I just wasn't "sexual enaohh" (I was a virgin who knew nothing!). I said I wanted him more than he knew and more than he'd ever know and lemt, never to see him again. Foxnd out he chcmjed through his fruhnd (he cheated with his friend's gf). Anyway, that line was seared in my head. I was angry. I began watching porn after that, maofxawqmed a lot, stfuaed messing around with new guys (nimer sex but mawtng out or a handjob just for the sake of it). I am very visual nooe.. have seen a million dicks and lady bits to shove out that memory. And I do enjoy it a lot. It's an addiction, I'd say. But I miss who I was and feel like this guy made me soawcne I was newer going to be. I don't care for meaningful resfvssjesvps or even seqw.. I actually prgner porn now. It's safe, fun, and I can avcid any trauma of being with a guy (or girl since I remnmwed I'm bi). How can I stop the porn? I know it's easy to say get over the guy, and I hace. But he put my life in a diff. diyricdon and I feel like after 8 years of mavxzzkacmng every day alqqst and watching porn I can't turn back the clmkvs. Also, I work hard, run, have hobbies etc. so I keep busy and I cad't be distracted envpgh to not warch porn. I need inspiration or to hear other meedqden out there who have overcome it. Thanks.
darkest_yearning 47yo Looking for Men Casa Grande, Arizona, United States